What One Could Want and What One Needs
by AnHeiressofaSOLDIER
Summary: An epilogue to the novel by Gaston Leroux. "You will beg my pardon, one day, for all those ugly words, Raoul, and when you do I shall forgive you!" That time has finally arrived. RC.


**What One Could Want and What One Needs**

It was completely quiet as Raoul, Christine, and Mamma Valérius all traveled via train towards a new life: a life where there would hopefully be peace, healing, and definitely no ghosts... Or so Raoul was greatly hoping, anyway.

And speaking of the ghosts,Raoul found he was the slightest bit surprised that Christine wasn't crying over hers. She'd shed a _few_ tears for that awful, yet pitiable man-Erik-but it wasn't as much as Raoul would have expected. Especially since even _he_ felt a smidgen of regret for the dethroned Angel of Music, as he'd rather selflessly let them go and had bid them to get married...

However... that unselfishness, Raoul desperately tried to remind himself, had only been after a plethora of heinous crimes. Perhaps even the numb looking Christine—who fortunately now had some color return to the face, praise the Lord—was remembering that fact even better than he was.

Raoul found quickly that he just felt so _guilty_ about everything, as he took to rubbing some small, soothing circles onto the slumbering Mamma Valérius' back-his small way of making up for having given her such a fright before.

And perhaps it was for _that_ reason that certain words came spilling out of Raoul's mouth, just as Christine had always known they would.

"Christine," the vicomte began, as he tried to discreetly take some of the belongings that Christine was carrying in her lap onto his own (he had wanted to carry all of their belongings, but Christine would hear nothing of it when she'd gotten view of his wrists that were scarred raw). "Please... please say you forgive me for my behavior at the Masked Ball. You were right about _everything_ , as you so often seem to be. And I... I couldn't handle myself or help you in the slightest. I couldn't protect you, and so you ended up having to be the stronger of us both.

"You have behaved so admirably through everything, Christine, and the fact that your soul is just as pure and beautiful as it's always been-even after everything you've been through-is just a wonder."

To Raoul's great surprise, Christine ended up laughing outright at his words. It wasn't a very loud thing that she did, nor did it last for but a second-even if it did serve to make the elderly woman beside them snore in her sleep some-but Raoul found that he couldn't have been happier for it.

Had he once heard Christine laugh while under all that duress? Raoul didn't really think so. And even if it was for his expense again, he found that he would now gladly take it if it meant that Christine could find some light in her life again.

Plus, the way that that the singer was blushing so now-and draping a hand over her mouth, with a slight gasp-was just so adorable to Raoul. He would take this over her earlier silence (or her panic attacks) any day.

"Silly, Raoul," Christine chastised him playfully, while she moved so that she was sitting on her knees-with her feet tucked underneath her-and facing him. And as she did so, Raoul was easily reminded of the childish attitude she'd had when she'd given him "the gift of her hands" when they'd played at engagement. It was a moment he knew that he would cherish for the rest of his life. "You needn't apologize to me, dear. I know you never put much weight into what you'd said, and that it is you alone that have truly loved me all along. You've... you've done enough for me, Raoul. Much more than enough. So please don't think that you must make amends to me."

Raoul at once wanted to argue Christine's claim for he knew, to put it lightly, that he hadn't exactly put his Navy training to the best use over the course of the last fewdays, and he couldn't help thinking that maybe if he'd kept his calm in the torture chamber better maybe the Persian would have also been in better control. And who knew how things might have changed for the better if that had been the case. Something else in Christine's tone immediately caught Raoul's attention.

She just looked... so resigned, as if she thought she deserved the fate she'd almost had or a fate very close to it.

And even more than that, it looked as though she was now _blaming_ herself for what had happened-if her distant gaze gave anything away-and it was something that Raoul couldn't believe at all.

He moved to put a comforting arm around her shoulder (something that wasn't at all easy for the snoring woman who sat between them), and laid his heart out on the line. "Christine," he countered his love, whilst trying his best to be as gentle with her: something that she more than deserved. "You cannot be meaning that any of this is your fault. Erik, he- he made his own choices-some of them completely questionable at best-so none of this at all falls onto your shoulders. You even ended up giving him the greatest happiness he could have asked for, when you kissed his forehead-I believe-and you even ended up saving my sorry skin by doing so, and... Well, if that should not be something you consider a great triumph, I don't know what should be."

Thankfully, Christine didn't immediately protest at Raoul's words-a good sign, he thought, for he had read before about how hostages could grow to care too much about their captors, and he didn't want her mind to become muddled about Erik's wrong-doings. Instead, she ended up leaning into his touch greedily as she seemed to attempt to use his shoulder as some sort of pillow.

While Christine simply yawned and once again fell silent, Raoul found himself hoping that she'd seen the truth of what he'd said and would be able to rest easy now. Surely she deserved that, at least, and God would let her have it... wouldn't He?

And in any case, it was more than a good thing that she was falling asleep, for Raoul didn't want her to see the doubt that was beginning to plague his own mind. He now strongly believed that everything that had transpired had been his own doing, and that maybe Erik wouldn't have gone so mad if he'd never shown up.

And maybe if that had been the case, the two of them could have found a happiness they maybe deserved together. A happiness that hopefully wouldn't have continued with the lies and more deplorable things about Erik, but a joy all the same...

Far faster than Raoul would have liked, Christine pulled away from him and began to stir-perhaps she had felt the sudden tension in his muscles. She then looked at him with large, incredulous eyes, and it was a kind of awoken look that Raoul had never seen on Christine at all with the Phantom.

And that... that alone should have made him realize that his company really was the best thing for her, but Raoul couldn't see that clearly at all, as he was too busy thinking of traumas past.

"Raoul..." Christine began in a hesitant and quiet voicethat seemed to say to Raoul that she wasn't even sure of what she was saying yet, but was instead speaking with whatever was placed upon her heart.

And finally seeming to find the way to articulate what she wanted to, the opera beauty stretched towards him as much as she possibly could with Mamma Valérius between them. "That tone in your voice earlier... it was one of self-loathing, and I know that tone well. Erik, in the times that he would grovel to me and call himself all manner of things, used it quite often. You wanted me to... you wanted me to drop the subject at hand and go to sleep, didn't you? And that tone of resignation in your voice can only mean one thing, for it is the same as what that wonderful-awful-Erik used when he let us go: you think I should not have ended up with you.

"Oh, dear, do you pity Erik and think there was a chance for him, as I once did? Do you not see how he corrupted his own soul, and was therefore doomed before I even met him?"

Raoul knew how ridiculous he must have been sounding, and it was for this reason that he tried to keep his current gaze away fromChristine, as she too easily guessed everything. Clearly the death of Joseph Buquet, as well as the chandelier crash, was proof of Christine's words (as Raoul knew that the latter had had absolutely nothing to do with him, and instead Erik had acted so barbarically towards the managers), but Raoul had somewhat seen the sort of life that Christine had been living with the Phantom.

It certainly wasn't something from the fairytales that he and Christine loved so much, nor was it something of much goodness or hope, but when Christine had placed her lips to the deranged Opera Ghost's face-an event that would have seemed so simple to many, but for Erik had been the one treasure in his completely monotone life-Raoul could have seen another life for her.

He even ended up telling his love as much: that the girl he'd loved at a child had seemed gone (and so reluctant to come back) when he'd met her again, and so that _had_ to mean something.

But Christine subdued his worries and thoughts completely, as she swiftly tickled him in the side and leaned her head against his own. And as she whisperedsweetly into his ear, these words of freedom for the vicomte's self alone came forth."Raoul... you resurrected me, my dear; I was _dead_ before that. And it's a very good thing that you did, for I might not have seen the crimes of my Angel had you not reappeared in my life.

"And silliest Raoul, if I couldn't even bear the thought of you listening in at my door-something that I'm very glad that you did now; do not get me wrong-how do you think I would have fared against someone who lied to me from the beginning? I never could have bore his life of heaviness and tragedy, Raoul. I couldn't have born it, even _if_ everything was more poignant in that deception. Do you understand?"

Raoul resting his head atop her own while he found himself beginning to drift off was the answer. With her sweetness, the haunted days that were still too sharply implanted within Raoul's mind began to ebb, and he couldn't have loved her any more for that grace and beauty of hers.

"When you... when you hugged me-and then kissed me-after he let you go, Raoul, it was your _embrace_ then that relieved me most of all. Not your lips. For I knew, my dear and old childhood friend, that only you could keep the girl within me from falling apart at the seams. And even kissing Erik's forehead, and therefore restarting a heart once thought to be dead, could never ignite the same allure and feelings within me. I love you, Raoul. I always will. You're what I _need_."

And just as Christine had said these words, for atwhich Raoul found that he was suddenly wide awake again and grinning from ear to ear like the lovesick little boy that he was, the train slightly jumped the track-succeeding in jostling Raoul and Christine even closer together and moving a golden ring that Christine still wore on her finger the slightest bit off.

 **Author's Note: It's 2:44 in the morning where I'm at right now. Just what do I think I'm doing, in posting this old thing of mine at the moment?**

 **Being discouraged by all the hate for Raoul de Chagny, that's what.**

 **Oy. And here I thought I wasn't going to post this… (Mainly because I think the novel addresses Raoul apologizing for his words in it, looking back at it now?)**

 **Anyway, here's hoping someone finds this at least mildly interesting. It was an idea that popped into my head when I was browsing through the novel last:D**

 **Also, major thanks go to my friend, Liz, for betaing this thing for me. This story probably would have been an absolute train wreck without her. And how I love her SO very much for doing this for me:)**

 **Welp, goodnight, all!**


End file.
